I'll send an SOS to the World.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Squatting Again.

China brings Gina and I back to our usual shenanigans.

I say "usual" because there is nothing particularly exotic or adventureous about going to the supermarket or train station in a country whose language you have mastered double entendres in. Although there was general merry-making, Opera House-seeing and dancing like crazed 'tweens on unquenchable sugar highs, none of these actions were lost in translation, like we seem to dig doing.

Our backpacker spirits are at ease again; we feel giddy when completing even the most mundane task. ("Here's what we should do: I'll pour the tea, and YOU go figure out how to ask for soysauce, ok!" "OK!")

Great Wall:



So, in 221 B.C. a Qin Dynasty emperor made an homage to himself, and BURIED it near his masoleum. A farmer uncovered it in the 70's...and now we all go there, Bill, Hill AND Chelsea included:



Did you know that Beijing is so polluted that walking around the city for one day has the same effect on your lungs as smoking 70 cigarettes A DAY?

We saw dead Mao Zedong. Which Gina thought was creepy. And I thought it was the coolest. How often do you come across an embalmed father of communism? And hoards of SILENT chinese? They still were a little pushy, though...However, Beijing is really working on that in lieu of the Olympics, offering CLASSES for it's citizens to learn to stand in lines (for a country seemingly so about discipline and order it really is funny that they have little concept for waiting a turn).


Beijing is also attempting to politically correct street signs that could have faulty or silly english translations. For instance, "Racist Park" has been changed to "Ethnic Minority Park". If you should find yourself in town for the games and are in need of a Protologist, never fear. The doctor's office will now just say so. A couple months ago, you would have been looking to visit the "Dongda Hospital for Anus and Intestinal Disease". And don't forget to "show mercy to the slender grass" when walking across manicured public lawns...

read the whole article here.





I'm home in just a short week, and there are many things I'm looking forward to: my family, for certain. A different v-neck t-shirt. Back issues of the New Yorker. A hairdryer! But it must be said that a certain travel buddy and I are having real issues about parting...everyone said we'd be sick of each other, and now...it's hard when you share so much (from toothpaste to soap to experiences no one else would understand) and are faced with separating. G is in self-proclaimed denial and makes "earmuffs" everytime I get a little (typically) weepy. It will be a good week, a bittersweet week...and all the while, we'll be happily speaking Chinglish.

Monday, April 21, 2008

The Secret Rainforest Lives of Men

This post is for my girls: those who go for "artsy" men. Two weeks ago, I fell privy to some information quite valuable to those prone to falling mushy anytime a dude croons, paints or decides to explore intricate rhyme schemes.

My research yields that these men are all unoriginal FRAUDS! They've merely stolen inspiration from the Queensland Australian Rainforest.

Example 1:


It's not only because Snoop Dogg passes the pipe. It's because he seems to think he got the 'beautiful' ladies all up in his grill by "Ooooo-eeee" -ing his way way into their hearts. WRONG! Snoop was obviously taught this obnoxious bird call by the indiginous "Eastern Whipbird".


Example 2: One evening in Hanoi Gina and I met two really good looking guys. I mean really really good looking. Their names were Matt and David and I'm not ashamed: If either of you are reading this, I've not since seen any Australians that rival your hotness. Not that I particularly need to tell them: Matt was aware of his cool factor, and of the fact that his verbal sparring was second to none. He probably realized he was terrifically handsome as well, but this wasn't enough for Matt. No, no...he had to be really funny as well. I remember a fun story about a morning jog he took in India, while humming Grieg...which (sparing you the exact details of this comical story) led to him teaching a young Indian child the Milkshake song ("Repeat after me: My Milk-shake brings all the boys to the yard...") and in turn making up a song of his own. Of course we asked him to perform this song for us and only until we hiked the rainforest did we REALIZE that MATT THE PERFECT had made up a song that sounds JUST LIKE the call of the Kookaburra. Lies. Still heartbroken about that one.


Example 3:

Just as Meat Loaf would do anything for love, so would the juvenille land mullet, as the tightly-bonded family structure of land mullets is incomprable in the reptile world. And do I have to spell it out? Mullet? Skink? Too easy.


Example 4: Like we should swoon when Chicago-based emo rockers Fall Out Boy gives us a tune that inspires lead singer Pete Wentz to jump up in an artistic fury, one fist clenched, the other choking on his mic? It's nothing the Wallabee hasn't been up to for years.



Example 5: Last week we were in Brisbane. One night, we decided to go out with our friends Harry, Josh and Richard from England and picked up a new guy along the way: Kaarel from Estonia. If Kaarel was a bird in the rainforest, he'd be the Eastern Bristlebird. The Bristlebird, according to the informational trifold at the camping area near the part of the rainforest we hiked, 'hides all day except to sing gloriously on top of bushes, when inspired'. We danced for 3 hours straight. Kaarel should have been a contestant on "So You Think You Can Dance". He was brilliant. He had a way of hearing latin beats in anything. (We did a rhumba to some Beyonce. The tango during "Umbrella".) He could jive (and thank goodness, when the DJ did the unthinkable with the Grease Megamix). He could make anything work, from club to disco to trance. And, after a lyrical/interpretive ballet stunner with "Livin' on a Prayer", I would have to deem this my most ultimate dancing endeavor, with a gloriously talented and silly dance partner. It was so good that I forgot to care that I've seen crazy dancing like that before...in the rainforest...uh, with a stick guitar... :)

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Camus, Pancakes, Mullets and Steve Mollick

Recently I attended a church service in Allora, Queensland. It was conducted featuring endearing Australian accents, and I was inspired to add my own "Hosannarh inna highest". Father John sported one of the finest mullets I have ever seen, complete with pony-tailed braid. Sporting fatigue print cargo shorts, a completely tattooed left arm and a Harley flanking the parsonage, it wasn't just watching such an anomology in action that was convicting. It was his face, a glimpse of untarnished reverence, as he prayed.

Last week during the hazy hours of pre-dawn, I witnessed an elderly man helping an elderly woman set up a stand at a morning market in Chiang Mai. I was in transit to the train station, and regretfully only got a split second of assimilation. He wore a pink shirt. They were arranging oranges, his one hand on a run-away fruit, his other on the small of her back as if to say "I've got it, I'm helping, I care, I love you, Isn't it nice to be in the cool of the morning, before the blazing neon heat of this day, just you and me?"

I sang in the Concordia Choir with a remarkable friend named Steve. Steve often played jokes until they were dead. Then repeated them again. We begrudgingly indulged this sort of humor, and eventually laughed, because the assinine nature of it all became funny after the millionth time. This is one of Steve's lesser qualities but it serves as an example of how he lives his life: Pushing the envelope. Going at a concept until it has been cemented. This is exactly what makes Steve a brilliant musician. It's an obsession with taking the things in life that are worth shouting about and playing them out; whether they be a love for a particular measure of Brahms or a silly joke stolen from "Curb your Enthusiasm".

My Aunt Maureen is the quintessential Go-Getter. On just about four hours of sleep each night, there isn't a task she hasn't put herself to wholeheartedly. I like that. Beyond the perfection of her world famous blueberry pancakes (renowned the east coast over), finding the most effective paper-mache recipe for her children's science projects, single-handedly editing the town newspaper, taking fabulous professional-grade photographs, volunteering for worthy causes, remodeling homes, remembering birthdays and, as a cousin once said, "bringing the fun", Auntie Mo tackles life issues with this beautiful element of grace. You can watch it each day, from a bite of blueberry breakfast to the bigger ways in which she has chosen to raise her kids, care for her family, change the world.

My grandfather is the strongest man I know. He is in the last stages of watching his wife die for nearly twenty years. He has never relented in her care, he has gone far beyond what Nicholas Sparks' teenage girl cult classic "The Notebook" prescribes as over-the-top love in cases of Alzheimers. He has loved her through an all-consuming disease, his desire to provide dignity to her existence has validated his,
and when you ask him, he'll say that it has been his honor.

A nobel prize winner in literature, Albert Camus must have thought himself numb every single day of his life. From an impoverished childhood, his goalkeeping football skills warranted a scholarship at the University of Algiers. Around 1930, during his football career, he was diagnosed with Tuberculosis, and forced to meditate more on school and less ruminating on the soccer field. He paid the bills parking cars and checking the clouds at the University's meterological institute.

He had to do SOMETHING before stunning the politicos and literati of the time (and each sucessive generation) into obsequious bafflement. The man wrote and talked so smart that no one could put a finger on exactly what he was saying, and yet, since a lot of it seems a solid estimation of truth, it is a worthwhile pursuit to trace the lineage of his brillance.

Camus hated being associated with Existentialism and couldn't even get with simpler classifications: Atheist nor Nihilist nor Agnostic nor Believer. Absurdism seems to be a common designation of Camus' philisophical home, but he scoffed at that as well. The man couldn't even hold down a political afilliation: As a student, Camus was an active member of the Algerian People's Party, a communist faction. Once they found out that he was keeping time with George Orwell and Jean-Paul Sartre, and heard his hybrid chatter of Socialism and Anti-Totalitarianism, combined with the worship AND desultory critcism of the party to which he asssociated served his prompt exile. His human rights efforts in the 1950s proved that none of us should even care to name whatever it was that motivated him: he was driven to see the world, fix the world, love the world in no other fashion but his own.

They are untouchable, inimitable, round pegs amongst square holes, the jacks of all trades: The Beethovens who write symphonies before being taught to read music. The John Nashes who blink numbers (give or take a peripheral imaginary friend). The Auntie Maureens, the Pink Shirted Husbands, the Tattooed Anglican Priests, the Steve Mollicks, the Papa Neds. Like Camus, each of them would probably groan at being grouped as such. (Except for maybe Steve. Rachel, Steve's wife, will probably have to deal with the repercussions of me potentially inflating his already generous ego, so sorry Rach.)

Everyday that I live, every place that I magically see (by use of my sparkly gold wand which looks more like a three-by-four piece of plastic), there are people that I meet or read about that change me. I am in awe of their passion; it is sensory, palpable, and completely unavoidable. I want it. I want to breathe it, sing it, need it more than food or sleep.

Camus demanded that we "live to the point of tears". Living to the very edge of insanity, making each day expand with creativity. It's inspiring to witness that. I'm learning that our world is ever-expansive, but not so big that you can't do or have exactly what you want. It is a matter of recognizing that you have stamina from a love bigger than yourself. Then, you go at it with all that you have. Most importantly, however, is the end result of courageously deciding to release your gift into the grasp of others. (Be it Machivellian political theory or a really great terracotta pot for your Mom's geraniums.)

I thought that this trip would plop a new career into my lap; would make me a fabulously thin, a worldly and wise version of myself. I thought I could come back with all sorts of insights and a newfound love for the Buddha, or maybe even a rekindled adoration for Jesus.

And although I'm not altogether done with Christianity and I can still run a decently timed 5k, none of my dream world delusions have thus evolved. And that's okay. These experiences can do nothing but inspire an existance full of passion.

I want to cultivate passion for one vocation, or maybe I'll throw myself at twenty-six careers! I want to execute at LEAST twenty-six home improvement and random art projects. I hold grand illusions (potentially naive) that I'll someday experience Camus-sized passion for one man, hopefully not twenty-six (too long of an interviewing process). I want to be able to say what I mean in less than twenty-six gazillion hours, and one day I hope to share more than twenty-six passionate ideas with a gaggle of offspring just as crazy as their mother.

At this very second, though: I have no IDEA what I'll do to pay my stockpile of bills, the result of all this passion-watching.

Maybe the University of Algiers needs someone to park cars?



"Always go too far, because that's where you'll find the truth." -Albert Camus




JMH

Monday, April 7, 2008

Best of March

Best Meal: At the celebration of a new home in Muong Ngoi, Laos: Beef salad (cold chili sauce marinated pieces of meat with cilantro, mint, green onion, carrot dipped into with balls of sticky rice)

Best Run: Circling the "old city" of Chiang Mai, Thailand (we spent several days in the north of Thailand before boarding a flight to Brisbane from Bangkok). The old city wall circumvates the central area of the city and is a cool run to scale ruins while dodging cars and motorbikes.

Best Hidden Talent: I am a master at shadow puppets. This discovery brought to you by 3 hours of boredom in Lam Namtha, Northern Laos, when the electricity in the town cut out for an entire night during a monsoon rainstorm.

Best Swim: 10 minutes before my birthday ended and in no need of better motivation than to savor the last moments of my day, my South African surfer friend Dominick joined me in a race across the Nam Ou and back.

Best Quote about Swimming: "Everytime I see you two, you're trying to swim somewhere impossible." - Nathan the Aussie

Best Tribute to Insomnia: On the evening of March 30th, 2008, Gina and I prepared for a 16 hour train ride by staying up all night (it was spent at the Night Bazaar in Chiang Mai followed by a trip to the pub followed by reading Anita Shreve in our 90 degree guesthouse digs)hoping that we would then sleep all day on the train ride to Bangkok. It was, again, 90 degrees and in our broken 3rd class train seat, sleep was hard to come by. So, we get to Bangkok at 10 pm on the 30th and decide not to spend the money on a guesthouse. We hit the pub again, this time with backpacks. We head for Bangkok International at 2 am. We can't check in until 5 am, so we eat yogurt, play with the automatic sinks while meticulously brushing our teeth, decide to chain our stuff (and ourselves) to metal benches. We take a nap from 3-4, are entertained by a Canadian sugar-loaded energy drink addict, go through security to find out that we need to go online first to get our Australian visas. We play on expensive airport computers. We go through security. One more uncomfortable bench nap. Flight leaves for Hong Kong: 11 am April 1. 8 hour layover in Hong Kong. Pass through immigration to play with Champ outside. Promptly get kicked out of parking area by Chinese security. Attempt to make our 2 days without showers seem better by frequenting the duty-free perfumeries. Promptly get kicked out just as I am slathering on anti-aging pro-retinol $100 mosturizer that turned out to be a facial masque that I should have washed off. We do yoga. We run through our terminal. We try on all of the sunglasses we see. We read magazines. We drink tea. We eat noodles. Finally, our flight leaves to Brisbane: 11:35, April 1st. After absorbing Cathay Pacific food, a sad excuse for merlot and a return to McDreamy via Disney movie, we end the spell. 1:25 am, April 2nd: I sleep. Well. Or at least good, considering.

Best Bike Ride: Around Lam Namtha, Laos. We spent all day exploring a waterfall, having lunch roadside with a native tribe, pausing for fruit at the heat of the day, biking accidentally into the butcher's yard.

Best Repeated Dinner Option: All you can eat vegetarian buffet for 4,000 kip (50 cents) in Luang Prabang.

Coolest Repeated Dinner Option Company: 4 girls studying early childhood development at Yale who were accompanying their professor for a World Health Organization summit on prenatal and early childhood care and education in Laos.

Best Gina Quote: We shared with a couple other backpackers the simple joy of having a fridge in a tropical climate guesthouse, talking about how good it was to be able to buy your own yogurt and store it, eating it promptly upon wakening. When these two other backpackers talked about how much they thought it would completely suck to live in NYC on practically no money, Gina shrugged and said "Eh. You get a fridge. You put your yogurt in it."

Best Hike Around a Waterfall: Kuangsi Falls, near Luang Prabang, Laos. I thought we were going to get eletrocuted. Or fall off the mountain. Luckily, neither did, although I almost fell out of a tree trying to reach a rope swing and Gina was determined to swim in the crystalline blue water, thunder or not.

Best Book: "Reading Lolita in Tehran" - Azir Nafisi

Best Picture of Cute Man Taken on the Sly: Our victim was Victor from Austria. He was our bus buddy from Vientienne to Vang Vieng. He gave me his old ipod headphones when mine broke. I swooned. And Gina just kept taking these: (pictures of sleeping Victor...coming soon!)

Best Day of Forgetting I Was An Adult: Tubing down the Nam Song river in Vang Vieng.

Best Cave: The acoustics brought chills as Gina and I sang in a cave once used to hide and treat wounded soldiers in the Indo-Chinese war.

Best American Activity that's FUNNER Overseas: Bowling in Laos.

Best Break In: On one particular very VERY hot day in Chiang Mai, Gina and I attempted to use a swimming pool at the four star "Royal Orchid Hotel" as there are no lakes, rivers or oceans close to North-Central Thailand. We attempted to ask a receptionist if we could pay to use the pool, but since her english faltered, we forged ahead; changing into our suits in the staff lunch room, doing laps past some wealthy scandinavianly speedoed senor citizens, making up a name under which we were staying (Gina: "Our last name? Ummm...Anderson. Our room number? Well...our parents have the key. Their first names? Ummmmm...) jumping ceremoniously back into the olympic sized piece of heaven when the security guard finally came to give us the boot, attempting to offer small sums of money to stay poolside (or at that point, yelling offers to stay in the exact middle of the pool). Consequently, dejectedly squeaking our tevas through the marble lobby.
My photo
Nomadsville, United States
Lord I was born a ramblin' man.